


Gonna Steal the Krabby Patty Forumula

by SelSpeaks, SNES_Trumpets



Category: Lupin III, Naruto, SpongeBob SquarePants (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Bone Milk, Crossover, Heist, Hurt/Comfort, Jigen/Mr.Krabs, Jutsu, Krabby Patty, NSFW, Near Death, Sea, Spongebob/Sasuke - Freeform, The Krusty Krab, Theft, big foot - Freeform, calcium deficit, im not sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-15 17:26:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29317839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SelSpeaks/pseuds/SelSpeaks, https://archiveofourown.org/users/SNES_Trumpets/pseuds/SNES_Trumpets
Summary: Take a wild guess.
Relationships: Fujiko/Patrick, Jigen/Krabs, Spongebob/Sasuke
Comments: 27
Kudos: 10





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> [A/N: Luke sent me 2 copies of Naruto Ninja storm on Steam, then requested a refund for the one I accepted. -Sel]
> 
> [A/N: my proudest moment - from Luke xoxoxoxox <£ ]

**[A/N: IRL FRIENDS PLEASE DON'T READ MY OTHER STUFF. JUST THIS ONE PLEASE. -Sel]**

AHOY THEIR SPUNCH BUB 

Lupin snuck in sneakily through the front door. But it was night so nobody saw. He walked into the back where mr kraps kept the secret formula because hes a greedy rat bastard of a crab and he was all like lol let’s put my fooormula hre then plank ton will never find it lol. And so Lupin snuck in there and twist spin bam OPENED the safe the formula was in. And then he took it and put it in his jacket pocket safe and sound. Suddenly Goemon came in and cut the safe up and said “what a worthless object” and Jigen shot it too. The safe was definitely dead. Like super dead. They murdered it because theyre criminals. Sorry I was afk. But yeah the safe was very dead and THEN. 

AND THEN1!!!

Mr krap came INYO the Kursty krab liike OMG“wtf guys you broke my sfae” and then he cried like booo hoooooo. Jigen slapped him. “Get it together old man”.

“Old? I aint old ur old” said mrs krbs [A/N: geddit MRS because he’s weak sirry i’m not a misogynist i primise] “Argghhg”

“oH YEAH? If you’re not old then your dick wont be wrinkly. Mine is super duper smooth because im not old.” Said Jigen

“Ok but look at THIS rrrrg” and mr krabs dropped his pants to show a smooth shell proving that he was in fact young despite having a teenage daughter and also being canonically 60 yeah ik my spuncgh lore unlike you plebs. 

Lupin took this chance to sneak away while the two old farts were being gross. And he ran and ran and ran and suddenly bumped into something squishy and yellow. He fell on his butt and looked up in awe at none other than SPONGBUVB the SQUAREPANTS HERO and then Lupin shook and started crying.

“Lupin, you thief. Did you take the formula?” Spongebobs voice BOOMED LOUDLY through the night. 

Lupin was too busy crying to answer but spong knew he did. He then weaved ninja hand symbols like pew pew pow and he slammed his hands down ontpo the floor of the kurstuy krab and Sasuke Uchiha appeared oh wait they’re outside so pretend that was outside and not on the krusty krab floor [A/N: teehee writing is so hard sorry guys]. Sasuke Uchiha had those purple eyes like rennegan I think they were called and he STARED nad GLARED at Lupin. 

“You have desecrated Eugene-kun’s wife. Have you any idea of how ahrd it is to be all alone in this world with NO FAMILY? NO FAMILY BECAYSE SASUKES BROTHER KILLED THEM? No. You don’t and that;s why you’re selfish and Eugene-kun has loist his wife, SAFE-CHAN. I should have killed you long ago, Lupin the Third.”

Suddenly Goemon appeared and glared back at Sasuke! Sasuke pulled out his lightning sword and the two had a killer sword battle that was really intense. They fought and fought but Lupin was left unprotected! Jigen was still having a dick contest with krapp! So Lupin started to crawl away but sopong did more ninja alchemy hand signs and rocks stopped him.

“Arsene! I will stop you! Give it back!” the voice shattered eardrums and glass windows and tress. Every bone in Lupin’s body broke from how loud it was. Yeah it was THAT LOUD it came out of every sponge hole. Lupin’s skin fell to the ground and it wa slike a bone milkshake guys like his bones were so grounded up by he sound waves spange produced that he was a bone milkshake and Jigen stopped showing off his little carrot to gape at Lupin and then his stomach rumbled because he has a calcium deficiency.[A/N: dont worry they arent dead spong isnt a murderer] 

Sponegbob stood over what was left of lupin and slipped his skinny hand into the jacket pocked and took back the formula. Everyone stopped fighting and Sasuke healed them all because sakura taught him how kuz thats all she does i think and she punches stuff good. They also revived Safe-chan (misterr wrabrb-wife) and Lupina dn Goemon and Jigen went home crying. Then spongebob and sasuke made out because theyre in love. 

  
  


**THE. END.**


	2. CHAPPER 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (I hate that Luke convinced me to participate in a second chapter. I can't believe this shit. If you ever see a chapter 3 to this, it's because he's held me at water-gun point and forced me to compromise my morals.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [A/N: Luke is tired of Lupin stuff so he is going out with a bang. I hope you all enjoy our collab for his final hurrah. -Sel]
> 
> [This is my Lupin fic cinematic universe and this is how it ends guys like it’s all just Jigen torture and then it ends like this this is canon in my fanfic universe]

_**ARE YOU READY ,KIDS?!** _

SPONGE BOI ME BOB I HAVE WRITTEN CHAPTER 2 OF GONNA STEAL THE KRABBY P

ATTY FORUMULAR AND I AM GOING TO OVERDOSE ON KETAMINE

It was all normal and good in bakini bottum. Fujiko was painting her nails with Porl (mr krapp daughter). It was girl night you see so they had to paint nails and throw pillows and giggle because they are girls. Anyway they were having a fun time together. [A/N see dat is feminist im sorry for being a misoginest last chapter}

Then Patrick star walked in to ask a question to purl Nd he saw fjikuo and stared at her like :O!!! because she is so beautiful and pure Etsy and he was in love at first site (and she didn’t even see him yet).

“My name is petrike star and I love you and want to marry you” Patric exclaimed loudly

“Give me money” Fujiko sang sensually

But patrack had NO money! He would have to… STEAL SOME!! But he needed help straling because he never done it before. So he found Lupin in mr krabes bedroom and he was sniffing money like mmm money money money money and Mr Krap was rubbing money on his buttywutt like MASTIBATING to it and patrike was like omg dat is a money so he came in and SNATCHED the $10000000000 bill from Mister Krustacian. Lupin tried to fight back but he was still bone milk please can I have him slurp the bone milk please let me have him slurp the bone milk this chapter. [a/n: Sel is bad and mean because she will not let me slurp the bone milk even though humans need calcium :(] (A/N but from Sel this time: no u can’t have bone slurping because it was Jigen that was calcium deficiency and also. No.)NO LUKE STOP

Jigen’s bone milk detected set off an alarm like AWOOOOOGA AWOOOOGA AW2OOOOGA and he sprinted into the room. When he sawe Patrice with da money he was very sad and he and Lupiun realised they needed to get it back because Mra capitalist was crying his eyes out.

“But but everyone I need the money to make Fujiko happy” patri sobbed loudly and wetly

“SHES a bITCH” Jigen said. And he was right. But Patricia still loved her anyway because it was love at first tsight 

Lupin cried on the floor because he was calcium soup or whatever the fuck Luke said and he couldn’t be with Funniko because she took calcium vitamins and didn’t want him now. WTF whaty a bitch. [a/n sorry not feminst anymor]. Also fuj was mad because Lupin and his friends tried to kill mrs safe and that’s pears mom and they’re friends so they broke up. 

  
  


Mr Krb snip snipped his claws like snip snip snap snap and he ran at Patric with that sound effect his feet mak but then his foot get caught on a suitcase full of… ROCKS. And it was PATRICK HOUSE BUT BROKEN1@?!?!? Everyone knew that Mra karp was capitalist but they did not think he would steal HOUSE! Lupin gurgled from the floor bc he was just calcium siup. 

And Fujiko and purl ran in because they herd sounds and Fujiko was like OMG MY MONEY ad patric got on one knee or whatever stars have and he proposed with the money. She said no and patted his pointy top head part and then her and peel left to buy makeup and dresses and purse. All the men sat down where the mone was a minute ago (not Lupin ge is soip remembered) and they all cried together because fujiko is a damn dirty bitch. 

“I told you so” Jigen said. And he was right. Again. He collected lupin up in a jar (not a cummies jar that’s a different fic) and then had flashbacks to another fic he starred in (a/n: same hat) and almost cried but then Goemon who was here all along slappewd him and was like “snap outta it maon!” and Jigen lit a cigarette underwater and wa s like “[insert noir quote]”. Lupin soup puddle bubbled because o me god so dreamy!

THEN. A giant virtual reality foot stompy wompoed mr croob house (or Patric hause whichever it is) and they all got crushed and died apart from Lupin who is still soop. And he cried. 

**THE END FOREVER** . 


End file.
